Happy Valentines Day Dr Suess style
by go.suck.on.a.lemon
Summary: Hermione recieves a poem from a secret admirer, blatant green eggs and ham rip off. M for safety, really depends how badly you take my meanings the worse the funnier.


Ok, so this really was just a poem I went and dirtied up for V-day, but then I decided I wanted to post it. Since there is no section for Dr. Seuss I had to get creative, so here is my absolutely blatant Green Eggs and Ham rip off, with Harry Potter inserts, or really Hermione inserts, if you want to get technical. Obviously I own nothing of this, so please nobody sue me. As always Reviews are appreciated and encouraged!

Happy Valentines Day!

Hermione sat in transfiguration and for the first time in her life she failed to find the lesson worth her attention. The reason for her inattention was the perfumed parchment roll she had secreted away beneath her desk, and was utterly absorbed in reading. It had been on her pillow when she woke that morning, and it had no signature. Though she had received it early in the day she hadn't had the chance to look at it in detail until this point. What she read managed to confuse, amuse and fluster her all at once.

_I ram Sam._

_I wham Sam._

_Sam I bam._

_That ramming Sam!_

_That whamming Sam!_

_I do not like that Bamming-Sam!_

_Do you like to wham and ram?_

_I do not like it, Bamming-Sam._

_I do not like to wham and ram._

_Would you like it here or there?_

_I would not like it here or there._

_I would not like it anywhere._

_I do not like to wham and ram._

_I do not like it, Bamming-Sam._

_Would you like it in a house?_

_Would you like it with a mouse?_

_I do not like it in a house._

_I do not like it with a mouse._

_I do not like it here or there._

_I do not like it anywhere._

_I do not like to wham and ram._

_I do not like it, Bamming-Sam._

_Would you eat out in a box?_

_Would you eat out with a fox?_

_Not in a box._

_Not with a fox._

_Not in a house._

_Not with a mouse._

_I would not eat out here or there._

_I would not eat out anywhere._

_I would not eat, or wham and ram._

_I do not like it, Bamming-Sam._

_Would you? Could you? In a car?_

_Eat it! Eat it! Here you are._

_I would not, could not, in a car._

_You may like it. You will see._

_You may like it in a tree!_

_I would not, could not in a tree._

_Not in a car! You let me be._

_I do not like it in a box._

_I do not like it with a fox._

_I do not like it in a house._

_I do not like it with a mouse._

_I do not like it here or there._

_I do not like it anywhere._

_I do not like to wham and ram._

_I do not like it, Bamming-Sam._

_A train! A train!_

_A train! A Train!_

_Could you, would you, on a train?_

_Not on a train! Not in a tree!_

_Not in a car! Sam! Let me be!_

_I would not, could not, in a box._

_I could not, would not, with a fox._

_I will not eat out with a mouse._

_I will not eat out in a house._

_I will not eat out here or there._

_I will not eat out anywhere._

_I do not like to wham and ram._

_I do not like it, Bamming-Sam._

_Say! In the dark? Here in the dark?_

_Would you, could you, in the dark?_

_I would not, could not, in the dark._

_Would you, could you, in the rain?_

_I would not, could not, in the rain._

_Not in the dark. Not on a train._

_Not in a car. Not in a tree._

_I do not like it, Sam, you see._

_Not in a house. Not in a box._

_Not with a mouse. Not with a fox._

_I will not eat out here or there._

_I do not like it anywhere!_

_You do not like to wham and bam?_

_I do not like it, Bamming-Sam._

_Could you, would you, with a goat?_

_I would not, could not, with a goat!_

_Would you, could you, on a boat?_

_I could not, would not, on a boat._

_I will not, will not, with a goat._

_I will not eat out in the rain._

_I will not eat out on a train._

_Not in the dark! Not in a tree!_

_Not in a car! You let me be!_

_I do not like it in a box._

_I do not like it with a fox._

_I will not eat out in a house._

_I do not like out with a mouse._

_I do not like it here or there._

_I do not like it ANYWHERE!_

_I do not like to wham and ram!_

_I do not like it, Bamming-Sam._

_You do not like it, so you say._

_Try it! Try it! And you may._

_Try it and you may, I say._

_Sam! If you will let me be,_

_I will try it. You will see._

_Say! I like to wham and ram!_

_I do! I like it Sam-I-am!_

_And I would eat out in a boat._

_I would eat out with a goat…_

_And I will eat out in the rain._

_And in the dark. And on a train._

_And in a car. And in a tree._

_It is so good, so good, you see!_

_So I will eat out in a box._

_And I will eat out with a fox._

_And I will eat out in a house._

_And I will eat out with a mouse._

_And I will eat out here and there._

_Say! I will eat out ANYWHERE!_

_I do so like to wham and ram!_

_Thank you! Thank you, Bamming-Sam!_

_Your Secret Admirer_

She almost snorted aloud as she shoved the note back into her bag, "secret admirer", did anyone actually say that anymore. Nevertheless, she couldn't help casting a furtive glance around the classroom for any hint of who it could have been from.

Fin.


End file.
